Forza Horizon 6 Review

On the road again.

THE racing game of all time. Forza Horizon has quietly, in the background, for many years, been an incredible racing game that people rarely talked about because it never really broke cultural zeitgeist. A lot of that was being trapped on the Xbox. That ended recently with Microsoft’s multiplatform push, and now more people have been picking up, what in some minds, are the greatest racing games of all time.

Forza Horizon 6 is no Mario Kart Double Dash, but you can’t go to Japan in Double Dash, so it’s hard to say who is the real winner here.

Regardless, Forza Horizon 6 is a true return to form for the franchise after a four year break and much speculations (and leaks,) where the series was going after Forza Horizon 5, another that was widely regarded as THE racing game of all time.

I am sensing a pattern.

Straight away, the game makes driving through the hills of Japan feel as though I have been doing that my whole life. With scenic vistas and several bombs using my tax dollars to turn innocent people I have never met to confetti, Microsoft have taken the cake in the “We Really Don’t Care, Do You?” department.

Some might argue that Playground Games were the ones that made the game, and should therefore be exempt from scrutiny. The little baby developers need to eat, too, after all. I suggest stop being so weak willed and open your eyes. They have already been paid for their work, and any money the game does make would be going straight to the Machine That Turns Futures Into Past.

Besides, how much blood money can you really take before it becomes impossible to get the stains off?

And look, I am not opposed to taking blood money. It’s important to know that going forward. I make no scruples about securing the bag. I’m letting you know that as my friend, dear reader, so there is no misunderstanding about what I am about to say next.

Are we serious? Are we really pretending that sane washing the company that help built Orphan Crusher 9000 is anything but that? There is no rationale anyone can give that will not sound hollow. 

Just say you wanted to and GO.

Don’t sacrifice the truth to justify your sins. 

It is frankly pathetic that this needs to be said at this point. It is SO EASY to not participate in the continued existence of the Machine That Crushes Orphans.

Sure, I might not be opposed to taking blood money, but I don’t need an excuse to let the darkness in.

I get it. You want the prestige, the attention, you want to remain in the good graces of the folks that know exactly where you live and could, at any moment, turn your house into a smoking crater. It’s very scary. Still pathetic that your spine is made of jelly, though.

People live in fear every day that their sky will suddenly turn to fire and in that moment their entire family is gone, but you can’t say no to reviewing a video game.

A video game I might add the company did not pay you to review. You just decided to do that for free. Against your core reader’s wishes. Probably against the little voice in the back of your head that told you it was a bad idea to begin with. It’s okay to listen to the voices sometimes.

Not participating is not only easy, people will respect you more for it. Doing NOTHING will put you in better graces than trying to justify why you just had to, once more, punch your ticket down at the old Orphan Crusher Stadium.

How long before you stop being in the stands, and start being on the pitch, though? How many more punches on your ticket will it take for you to stop being an observer to an active participant.

It’s funny how they never mention which side you will be on until the very end.

I am sure that’s fine.